


The Wicked Haunting of Ryan Bergara

by AhkmenrahForever



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Buzzfeed Unsolved Supernatural, Character Turned Into a Ghost, Ghost Shane Madej, M/M, Watcher Entertainment - Freeform, shyan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:15:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 21,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23695261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AhkmenrahForever/pseuds/AhkmenrahForever
Summary: Shane was dead.But Shane didn't know that.
Relationships: Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej, Shane Madej/Sara Rubin
Comments: 37
Kudos: 195





	1. The Accident

No one ever means to kill their best friend. No one ever wakes up in the morning, thinking of ways that they could possibly murder the person that means the most to them in life. Even Ryan wondered how people in those murder cases could possibly live with themselves afterwards. Ryan didn’t know how he would ever again find the courage to roll out of bed in the mornings.

It started like any other shoot. The night was well, and Ryan captured what he thought was some pretty good evidence. Shane of course wasn’t as convinced, but that’s how it went with those two. Ryan lost his fucking mind while Shane was able to sing and dance like an idiot. It was just their way.

Afterwards, them and the crew decided that it would be a good night to have some drinks. After all, it was a Friday, and no one would be at work in the morning. It was a perfect time to go get drunk.

“We should have a designated driver,” someone warned, and no one volunteered. “I think you should do it, Ryan.”

“What? Why me? I did it last time!”

The crew member shrugged. “It’s your car.”

Everyone else seemed to agree, and angrily, Ryan sank into his seat. Shane put a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t worry, buddy. I’ll volunteer next time,” he promised. Ryan shrugged his hand off and rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, whatever. You said that last time.”

He walked away from Shane after grabbing his first round of drinks, sitting by himself to mope instead. Shane didn’t follow him, but he didn’t feel much like drinking anymore.

Ryan gulped down his first drink rather quickly and feeling confident, he ordered another round. He did not get drunk easily, and he thought it would be fine if he just had one more round of drinks. Who was there to see him anyway?

Two rounds turned into three, four, five rounds of drinks. Soon, Ryan was so drunk he could barely stand, and Shane took notice.

“Hey, man,” Shane said, sitting down across from him. “I thought you were driving tonight?”

Ryan shrugged. “I’m fine. It’s no big deal.”

“Ry. You can barely stand. There’s no way you can drive in this condition. You’ll hurt yourself. Or someone else.’

“Shut up, Shane,” Ryan grunted. “I’m not letting any of you fuckers drive my car. It’s brand new.”

“Ryan I really think you should-“

“That’s final!” Ryan yelled, and Shane shut his mouth.

He sighed. “Well can you at least sober up before you drive us all home? I really don’t want to have to worry about you my entire car ride,” he said, knowing damn well that he would be worried regardless.

Ryan shrugged, which was a good enough answer for Shane.

Ryan did as Shane asked and he ordered himself some water, which had him throwing up in the bathroom not ten minutes later.

While he was cleaning himself up, he heard one of the crew members call out his name. “Yo Ry, you in here?” He asked, and Ryan immediately stood up and played it off like he had just come in here to take a piss. He was still drunk, but he didn’t need anyone else to know that. He wanted to get home just as badly as the rest of them. “Oh there you are! Hey, are you about ready to head out?”

It was TJ, someone that Ryan had grown very close to over the few years they had worked on Unsolved together. He didn’t want to lie to him, but he wanted even less to disappoint him. “Uh, yeah. Yeah. I’ll be out in a minute.”

“Cool.”

Maybe if it hadn’t been TJ that walked in, Shane would still be alive. Maybe if Ryan hadn’t been the designated driver that night, Shane would still be alive. Maybe if they had gone to any other place on their list of investigations, Shane would still be alive.

But all those things happened. And Shane was not still alive.

Shane was the only one that was sober enough to notice. “Ryan. I really don’t think you should be driving right now,” he said, grabbing Ryan’s hand as Ryan opened his car door.

“Why? I’m sober enough.”

Shane grimaced. “I… really don’t think you are. I think I should drive. I didn’t drink at all, just in case.”

Ryan scoffed. “You’re a terrible driver. I can drive better than you when I’m drunk and you’re sober.”

“I really think-“

“Get in the car Shane.”

Not wanting to push Ryan anymore, Shane got in the car, and Ryan really wished that he had pushed some more.

They made it back to the office safely. Ryan grinned up at Shane. “See? I told you we’d be fine.”

“Yeah, well, maybe you should let me drive you home.”

“What? No way! What about my car?”

“The car will be here tomorrow, Ryan.”

Suddenly, they both looked up as one of their producers called out to them. “Hey, you guys need a ride?”

Shane looked back at Ryan with pleading eyes, but the drunk man wouldn’t budge. Dejectedly, Shane sighed and shook his head. “We’ll see you Monday,” Shane called back, and the producer waved them goodnight.

He crawled back into Ryan’s car and shut the door. “What are you doing?” Ryan asked.

“Well, I’m not letting you drive back home by yourself. I’m gonna come stay with you tonight. Is that okay?”

Ryan shrugged. “I don’t see why not. We can have a movie marathon or something.”

Shane gave him a small smile. “Yeah, sure. I’m thinking horror movies if you’re up for it.”

“You’re on, Madej.” With that, Ryan put his car into drive and began the fatal ride back to his place.

It wasn’t a far drive from the office, only twenty minutes, and the traffic in LA was surprisingly clear on this particular night. Shane didn’t talk much, trying to make sure that Ryan was focused on the road, and every now and then, he’d warn him to stay focused. Shane was peculiarly alert that night, as if he knew what was coming.

“I need to tell you something,” Shane said, his head down. Ryan turned to look over at him, wondering what was so important that he actually spoke up about it. Shane was not one for sharing his feelings. He liked to keep everything to himself, as if it would be dangerous to tell anyone else.

Suddenly-

“RYAN!”

Ryan looked back to the road and screamed when he saw a truck heading right for them. He swerved, trying to get out of the way, but he pulled the wheel too far to the right and the pair went flying through the rail guard on the side of the highway. They were thrown over a hill, both screaming, and they did not stop until they hit a tree head on. Ryan was barely conscious when he heard sirens, and then heard absolutely nothing.

When he woke up, he was in a hospital room. On the table next to him was a “Get well soon” card and several bouquets of flowers. There were balloons tied at the foot of his bed, and he couldn’t tell if he had been out for awhile or if he simply had a lot of people that were worried about him.

The first man that walked in was a doctor, who seemed surprised to see Ryan awake and alert. “Good morning,” he said, taking some notes on his clipboard. “I’m surprised to see you up so soon. You hit your head pretty hard.”

“Where’s Shane?” Was the first question he asked, but his voice came out as little more than a whisper, and Ryan noticed how unbelievably chapped his lips were. The doctor handed him a bottle of water that he had kept at the side of Ryan’s bed, and he downed the whole thing in one sip. “Where’s Shane?” He asked again.

The doctor’s lips were drawn in a tight line, and he knew that it didn’t mean good things for his best friend. “That was one of the worst wrecks we’ve seen in quite a while. We were surprised to find either of you still alive, to be honest.” Ryan didn’t take his eyes off the man, and even though he hadn’t answered his question, Ryan knew that he had. The doctor sighed and patted Ryan’s leg, which was in a cast and being held up, like he had seen in the movies. “Consider yourself lucky, son,” was all the doctor said before writing down one last thing on his clipboard and walking out.

Tears welled in his eyes as the reality of what the doctor had said sank in.

Shane was dead.

A nurse walked in to give Ryan what would become his daily morning routine: check his temperature, his pulse, his blood pressure, then take a blood sample and offer him breakfast. As she began taking his temperature, Ryan began to wail. He thrashed and screamed and called out for his friend. But he wouldn’t hear him. Because he was gone, and Ryan was to blame for it.

He didn’t even notice the point where three other nurses came in, but they were able to hold him down to the point where they were able to give him a shot that would sedate him for a few hours.

As he faded back into blackness, he could only whisper one word over and over.

“Shane…”

It was a couple days later that Shane’s mother and father came into see Ryan. He didn’t know if he could face them at the moment, and he turned away so he couldn’t see them, making his neck a bit sore.

“Hi, Ryan,” Sherry began, quietly. Ryan could tell from the shakiness of her voice that she had been crying. He really couldn’t blame her. He had been crying, too. “How are you feeling?”

“Like shit,” he admitted. He normally didn’t like cursing in front of Shane’s parents, and he remembered the day that they had told him that they considered him another son. He didn’t care if he swore now. None of that mattered anymore.

There was a pause for a moment. “Me too,” Mark admitted. “It’s okay to feel like that Ryan.”

This was making Ryan feel worse. “Why are you here?” He snapped. He didn’t want to be mean to them, because he knew that it was probably even harder on them than it was for him. They had lost a son. What had he lost?

His best friend. And it was his fault.

They hesitated to say any more. Ryan finally turned to look at them and Sherry was crying. He felt a bit guilty, but he was in too much pain to do anything about it. “We thought… it would be good for all of us if you spoke at Shane’s funeral,” Mark said, and Ryan about lost it.

“No way I can do that,” he replied immediately. “It’s my fault. I would feel nothing but guilt if I did this. I can’t do that to myself. I can’t do that to Shane.”

Mark sighed. “It’s what Shane would’ve wanted.”

“Well Shane is fucking dead,” Ryan snapped. “It’s my fault he’s gone and I’m not going to speak at his goddamn funeral. Got it?”

They said no more, and Shane’s father helped to escort his wife out the door. After the door was firmly closed, Ryan closed his eyes and started crying silently to himself.

“Well, Ryan, are you ready to leave?” The doctor asked Ryan, who was now standing on crutches and able to walk almost perfectly, despite having only one good leg to walk on.

“More than anything,” he groaned in reply. Though he was still in a moderate amount of pain, Ryan truly was ready to leave the hospital. A three-week stay was more than enough, and he was ready to get back to work and forget about everything.

Except that he would never forget.

Every day that he would walk into that office, knowing that Shane’s goofy grin and sarcastic remarks would not be there waiting for him was going to haunt him for the rest of the time that he worked at BuzzFeed, and Ryan knew that. He knew that he would never be able to escape his guilt because he would be reminded of it every day that he saw that empty desk sitting beside him.

“Well, I just have some last things here that you need to sign, and then Sara here offered to drive you home.”

Sara tried to give Ryan a smile, but she failed. Her eyes were drooping as if she hadn’t slept in weeks, and he assumed that she hadn’t. He had killed her boyfriend. Maybe she was offering to take him home to repay him for hurting her so badly. He wouldn’t complain. He deserved it, after all.

“Hey, bud,” she said quietly. She didn’t really look him in the eyes, and Ryan wouldn’t have let her if she tried.

He just nodded at her and signed what the doctor told him to so that he would just release him from the hell hole he had been trapped in for so long. “Please call me if you need anything,” the doctor reminded him, and he nodded silently, before slowly following behind Sara.

“How are you holding up?” She asked him once they were in the car together.

He knew she wasn’t talking about his injuries. She was talking about Shane. “Probably just as well as you are.”

Sara nodded, tears welling. “I know it was an accident, Ryan. I’m not mad at you,” she reassured him. “I know you’re blaming yourself right now, but please don’t. There’s nothing you could have done. It was going to happen whether you were driving or not. It was just meant to be.”

Ryan hoped that she believed that, because he sure didn’t.

“Yeah,” was all he said in response. He really didn’t feel like talking to Sara, even if she was his friend and understood what he was going though. She would never really understand. No one would.

They sat the rest of the ride in silence, Sara catching the hint that he clearly didn’t want to talk to her. As he sat there, images of the last time he was in a car flashed through his head. The truck. Shane’s cry of desperation. His heart beating out of his chest as they drove full speed down that hill. Finally, Sara pulled up his driveway before he had the chance to have a panic attack.

She offered to help him up and he quickly shook his head. “It’s fine,” he said, trying not to get angry with her. “I can do it myself.”

“Do you want me to stay here with you? Do you want me to help you take care of yourself?”

He groaned at the thought of it. Even though he knew he was going to need help readjusting for a few days, he just wanted to be by himself for a minute. _Please just go away,_ he thought to himself. “No,” he sighed. “You need to care for yourself. I can manage by myself.”

“Are you sure?”

He nodded.

She sighed, but not wanting to piss him off, she got back into her car. “Please call me if you need anything,” she begged, and he nodded, knowing damn well he was going to do no such thing.

He watched as she drove away before sighing, wondering how the hell he was going to manage on his own.

He took the keys out of his jacket pocket and unlocked the door before carefully stepping into his apartment, trying not to trip on the step. Instead of being productive, he immediately flopped on his couch and began to cry. He wished so much that he could’ve been the one to die in that crash. He would do anything for Shane to be the one to live through it. After all, he was the one who was driving.

His phone ringing snapped him out of whatever trance he was in, and he slowly pulled it out of his pocket. It was unbelievable that his fragile iPhone had survived the crash and Shane hadn’t.

“Hello?” He groaned.

“Ryan?” It was Shane’s father. Great.

“Hi, Mr. Madej,” he replied, trying to be a bit nicer to him this time.

“Well, I know you just got out of the hospital, but I wanted you to know that Shane’s funeral is scheduled for tomorrow at 3 PM.”

He gave the details of the event, and Ryan promised that he would be there in his nicest outfit. “My offer is still on the table,” Mark said, reminding Ryan about his request. “If you want to speak; I think it would be a good idea. I understand if you find it too painful, though.” Ryan said nothing, he just listened. “But you were his best friend… so I thought maybe you’d have a few good things to say about him.”

If Ryan were to list all the good things he knew about Shane, he would never stop talking.

“That’s okay,” Ryan replied kindly. “I just don’t think I’m in… the best headspace to talk about him, if that’s ok.”

He heard Mark sigh on the other end. “That’s completely understandable. Thank you for talking to me,” he finished, and hung up.

Ryan’s stomach growled, and Ryan responded by groaning and making an attempt to get up. “Now how the fuck am I gonna reach my plates?”

The funeral went about how Ryan expected it to. He sat in the front next to Sara and TJ; and he held Sara as she cried through most of it. She spoke on Shane’s behalf, but Ryan could barely focus on what she was saying because he was too busy staring at Shane’s now busted face. He had a perfect view of the casket from where he was sitting, and all he could imagine was how that face had once been so full of life. He would miss their constant bantering with each other, their fun adventures together, their horror movie marathons. He would miss that goofy grin, he would miss those big brown eyes, he would miss his long ass limbs.

Ryan missed Shane.

He excused himself from the service before it was over because he had seen enough. If it had been up to him, he would have given Shane a sky burial, just as he had once asked for. Shane would have hated seeing his closest family and friends crying over his lifeless body. He wanted a celebration. He wanted people to have fun at his funeral.

Ryan was in no mood to have fun.

When he arrived home, the first thing he did was trip over the step leading into his house.

“FUCK!” He exclaimed, one of his crutches flying across the floor. He grabbed the other crutch and did his best to lift himself up, but his arms were extremely sore, and he fell right back on the ground.

Seeing that was not going to work, he crawled across the floor until he reached his couch and was able to hoist himself up. He hated how much harder it had become just to move around. Not only was he a worthless human being, but he was literal dead weight. He didn’t know how long it would take before he could do anything productive at all.

He groaned, managing to grab his other crutch and hobble his way back to his room.

He carefully crawled into his bed, feeling that he had nothing better to do than just fall asleep.

He nearly did fall asleep, or maybe he did, when he heard a voice.

“Hey man.”

It was so eerily familiar that it startled Ryan awake. He turned to face the sound of the voice, and there was Shane, standing in his doorway as if nothing had happened.

“Shane?” He called out. Surely this must be a dream. This was a hallucination. The doctor told him that he had hit his head pretty hard. Maybe this hallucination was a side effect.

“Yeah, it’s me. What happened to you?”

Ryan’s mouth was wide open, unable to comprehend what he was even looking at. He was still dreaming. He was really tired. He was still in shock by what happened. He had no idea. All he knew was that he saw Shane, standing in front of him, in the same clothes that he had been in when he died.

“Y-you…. You must be a hallucination,” Ryan claimed. “You’re dead. You can’t be real.”

Shane looked back at him, confused. “Man, you must have really gotten hurt,” he responded. He sat down on the foot of the bed and Ryan pulled his feet closer to his body. “Are you okay?” He asked, legitimately concerned.

“I… this isn’t real. This isn’t happening. This is _not_ fucking happening.” Shane just watched as Ryan began to freak out. “How did you… even get here?”

Shane blinked. “Actually, I have no idea. I just remember waking up and seeing you asleep,” he admitted. “I guess I was drunk.”

Slowly, Ryan reached out to touch Shane. He was there, but he was cold to the touch, and something about this whole situation felt eerily familiar.

 _Holy shit,_ Ryan realized with a start. _Shane is a ghost._


	2. The Irony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan has trouble convincing himself that all of this is real after all.

This wasn’t happening. Ryan felt like Shane, trying to find any logical explanation before using ghosts as his answer. Still, it made sense to Ryan. After all, he did believe in ghosts, and even though Shane didn’t…

Shane didn’t believe in ghosts. Perhaps that was why he was unaware that he was in fact, dead. It made the whole situation very ironic, almost humorous. If the entire situation weren’t so ridiculous, maybe Ryan would have laughed. Instead, he stared back at the ghost of Shane, wide-eyed and slightly terrified.

“Are you okay?” Shane asked again, quieter this time, genuinely worried about Ryan.

The man blinked. He once again reached out to touch Shane and left his hand on his cold arm. A shiver went up Ryan’s spine.

_So, this is real._

Shane frowned and took Ryan’s hand, snapping him out of his trance. He glared at the man, waiting for him to answer the question. Eventually, Ryan sighed. “You’re dead, Shane,” he said bleakly.

And the bastard started laughing.

“What the fuck are you laughing about?”

“Sorry! I didn’t mean to sound so rude, but you do realize how ridiculous you sound, right?”

“It’s true, Shane. You died in a car accident a few weeks ago.”

“Oh? Then how am I sitting here talking to you?”

“Because you’re a _ghost._ ”

“Ghosts aren’t real, buddy.”

Ryan groaned and crossed his arms, Shane’s cold hand dropping on his lap. “I watched it happen,” Ryan whispered, tears filling his brown eyes. “It was my fault.”

At this, the ghost of Shane sighed and moved closer to Ryan. The shorter man jumped, but he didn’t pull away as the ghost embraced him as hard as he could. Despite the circumstances, Ryan couldn’t help but feel grateful for Shane’s embrace. It overwhelmed him and once again, the tears began to fall.

“It’s okay, Ryan. I’m here,” the ghost whispered into his ear. Just hearing his voice again was enough to calm him down. Yes, the man was dead, but he was _here._ He was sitting there, on his bed, wrapping his large limbs around him. He knew it was odd, impossible even. Even though he believed in ghosts, he couldn’t imagine that his imagination would take him this far. If it was a dream, he never wanted to wake up. He never wanted to leave Shane’s arms, even if they made him shiver.

He was here.

When Shane finally let him go, Ryan had finished crying, and he said nothing more about what had actually happened to the man. Perhaps if Shane really knew the truth, he would disappear, and just like that, he’d be gone again. Ryan wasn’t sure if he was ready to let that happen yet.

“Um… are you hungry?” Ryan asked.

“Actually, I really don’t feel like eating anything at all.”

Ryan sat in his kitchen eating a sandwich, staring Shane up and down. He looked as though he was still alive. There were no scratches, bruises, or scars anywhere on his body, despite what had happened. He was still dressed in his favorite flannel and pair of jeans, and if Ryan didn’t know any better, he would think it was the same as any other Saturday night. After all, it wasn’t unusual for him and Shane to have some late-night movie marathons on the weekends. He debated making some popcorn and having one of those marathons tonight, but he thought better of it, thinking that it might be dangerous for him to get back into a routine with Shane if he was going to just disappear again.

He wondered if Shane even would disappear. From what he knew about ghosts and spirits (which happened to be a lot), they tended to come and go as they pleased. Still, did they know they were dead? Shane didn’t, and he wondered if that would affect his abilities in any way.

“You never told me what happened to your leg,” Shane said, snapping out of his thoughts.

“Oh,” was all Ryan replied. He didn’t know if he felt comfortable telling Shane what happened. He didn’t want him to worry. Though, he could feel Shane’s prying eyes on him, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to keep it to himself. “I got into a car accident,” he whispered.

Shane nodded. “That would explain a lot,” he replied. “You had a bad dream that I died in the car wreck, didn’t you?”

Maybe he was right. Maybe it had all been a dream. Maybe Shane was still alive, and he was just suffering from really bad night terrors. Though, that didn’t explain all those nights in the hospital. Surely Shane would have come and seen him if that had been true. He wasn’t insane. He saw Shane die in that car crash. What was happening now was real.

He didn’t tell Shane any of that. He simply nodded and took a sip of his drink, unwilling to talk about it anymore.

“Have you slept at all, man?”

Again, Ryan didn’t reply. He simply took another bite of his sandwich and stared down at the floor.

Shane sighed. “Maybe I should stay here for a while,” he said. “You look like you need some company.”

Ryan didn’t argue. Truthfully, he didn’t know if Shane could go anywhere else anyway. Plus, he wanted to spend time with him, even if he was dead. He wasn’t ready to let him go yet.

“What time is it?” Shane asked him, trying to get Ryan to reply, since he hadn’t said much of anything at dinner.

“Probably time for bed,” he responded, though he knew he likely wasn’t going to sleep tonight either. He hadn’t slept since the accident, and he doubted that Shane’s presence was going to help. In fact, considering that there was now a ghost in his house, Ryan guessed that it might in fact have the opposite effect.

Shane just nodded. “Do you want to go to bed? We could stay up and watch something if you’d like.”

Ryan shook his head. “Not in the mood,” he said, and truthfully, he wasn’t. As grateful as he was to have Shane in his apartment, dead or not, he was exhausted. Though, he didn’t want Shane to leave him, and he worried that if he went to bed, he would wake up, and this whole thing would turn out to be a dream after all.

“Maybe we could play a game?”

Shane smiled for the first time since they’d stepped out of Ryan’s bedroom. “Oh yeah? What did you have in mind?”

The pair ended up playing three different games before Ryan simply couldn’t stay awake anymore. They started off by playing Charades before moving to Never Have I Ever, which got a bit too serious for Ryan. They finished by playing Bullshit, and Ryan was surprised to learn that Shane could in fact manipulate objects, which were cards in this case. They didn’t play for very long though because Shane became extremely tired, likely from holding his cards Ryan suspected, and Ryan was nearly falling asleep on his hand.

“Do you wanna crash on the couch?” Shane asked, and Ryan nodded sleepily.

The pair moved themselves over to the couch, and the two snuggled close together, causing Ryan to grab another blanket. Shane lazily threw his arm over Ryan, bringing him back to all those times they had to share a bed while ghost hunting. He smiled and scooted back a bit more into Shane’s ghostly figure. For the first time in a long time, Ryan got a full night’s sleep.

When Ryan woke up the next morning, Shane was gone. He sat up straight, looking for the apparition of his best friend. “Shane?” He called out, before standing up and hobbling around the house to find him. His apartment was much warmer than it had been last night, and he took that as a bad sign.

When he didn’t find him after checking every room of his house, he sat back down on his couch, sighing in defeat. “Fuck,” he whispered to himself. Maybe it had just been a dream.

No. It had happened. He had slept on his couch, and Shane had been right next to him. He wasn’t dreaming.

He put his head in his hands. He surely was going insane. He didn’t know what was real anymore. For all he knew, he could still be back at the hospital in a coma. Maybe he hadn’t even survived the crash. Maybe he was dead, and this was a form of Hell. He didn’t know which way was up and which was down anymore.

A knock at his door startled him and he looked up. _Go away,_ he thought, and considered just ignoring whoever was at his door, bothering him.

Another knock and he groaned, standing up this time. He limped over to the door and opened it to reveal Sara, who was holding two boxes of take-out Chinese food. “Hey, bud,” she said, a small smile on his face.

“What are you doing here?” He asked, a bit surprised that she had shown up unexpectedly.

She shrugged. “I thought you might want some company, so I brought lunch.”

Ryan hadn’t even noticed how late it was. It was nearly 2 PM and he hadn’t eaten all day. The smell of Chinese food wafted in his nose, making him realize just how hungry he was. “Actually, that sounds like a great idea. Come on in.”

The two sat for a good while, talking about nothing of importance, really. Sara told him that she would likely be going back to work the next day and Ryan debated joining her. After all, he couldn’t sit and wallow in his self-pity for the rest of his life, despite how much he wanted to.

“I met this really nice guy the other day,” Sara said. “He’s a doctor uptown and he’s not bad looking.” She shook her head. “That probably sounds awful, considering my boyfriend just died and… I’m not saying that I’m over him. I doubt I ever will be. But I don’t want to be stuck in this vicious cycle of emotions for the rest of my life, and this guy helps with that.”

Ryan nodded. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me, Sara. I understand. We’re all coping differently, and if your way of coping is giving this guy some head, then I’m not gonna judge you,” he teased, a grin creeping up his face.

She hit him. “Fuck you, Ryan,” she replied with a grin.

He laughed. It was a genuine sound that he hadn’t heard come out of his mouth in a while. He wished he would laugh more.

“Wow, does it feel cold in here to you?” Sara asked, and Ryan looked behind him to see Shane standing there, as if he had been summoned.

“What’s going on here?” Shane asked, and Ryan began to panic. Sara seemed to be unable to see him, and he didn’t want to seem crazier than he did already.

“Uh…” he stood up, not knowing what else to do. “Thanks for coming over, Sara. I think I need to fix my cooling system. It’s definitely broken, don’t you think?”

Sara stood up after him, confused. “Yeah… I guess I’ll see you tomorrow at work?”

Ryan nodded and told her goodbye, immediately closing the door behind her. He turned around to see Shane staring at him suspiciously. “What was she doing here?” He asked.

Ryan gulped. He really didn’t want Shane to think that he was somehow flirting with his girlfriend, or ex-girlfriend? He really had no idea how that changed his relationship. He also didn’t want him to know that she was talking to some other guy; at least, not yet. He didn’t want to hurt the big guy, especially since all this weird shit was going on. The last thing he needed is for Shane’s ghost to suddenly become vengeful. Could that even happen? Ryan wasn’t for sure, but he didn’t want to take any chances.

“She just wanted to talk to me about coming back to work,” he said, which was partially true. “She didn’t know that you were here, which is why I just sent her out without warning.” He mentally cringed. He was a terrible liar.

“Well, she saw me anyway, so then what good did it do?”

Ryan didn’t know how to tell Shane that Sara in fact, did not see him. In fact, she had not even the slightest clue that he was here. “I’m sure she’ll call you later,” Ryan assured him, knowing damn well that she would do no such thing.

Shane raised an eyebrow. “Why don’t I just go home? I mean, if she didn’t know I was here, she was probably worried about me.”

“No!” Ryan cried, immediately wrapping his arms around the larger man. “Please stay,” he begged, thankful that it wasn’t a dream after all. “You’re the only thing keeping me sane right now.”

Shane sighed and wrapped his arms around Ryan. “Okay, okay. I’m sorry. I’m here for you, pal. I promise.”

Ryan never wanted him to let go, and he closed his eyes as he began to cry on Shane’s ghost.

Ryan. Crying on a ghost. How much crazier could things get?

When Ryan came strolling (well, limping more like) into the office the next day, he realized that he could cut the tension with a knife. Everyone seemed to be afraid to talk to him out of fear that they would say something wrong. He didn’t mind too much. After all, he certainly wasn’t ready to talk to them about what happened, and he figured he needed some time by himself anyway.

Sara was one of the few people that made an effort to say hello to him. She knew it was best to keep the mood light in order to occupy both of their minds with thoughts that were not of Shane. Still, the odd behavior of Ryan came up in the conversation, as he expected it to.

“Yeah, sorry about that. I was just afraid…” He didn’t know how to continue the sentence. He knew what he was afraid of, but he had no intention of telling Sara about it. After, how could he explain that the ghost of her dead boyfriend was haunting his apartment?

She didn’t push though, assuming that he just needed to push her out in order to keep himself from having a panic attack. Maybe it was just hard for him to have any sort of company for a long period of time.

“So, what’s your plan for the day?” She asked him, changing the subject again.

Ryan shrugged. “Well, I wanted to edit the latest episode of Unsolved, but I doubt I have the willpower to even look at it.” Even though he knew Shane’s presence was still on Earth, it only dulled the pain that he felt when looking at the empty desk beside him. It didn’t change the fact that Shane was dead and that nothing would be the same.

Sara nodded. “I get it. I can barely focus on my own work,” she admitted. “You can come help me with that if you want,” she offered.

He shrugged. “Yeah, sure. It’s not like I have much else to do anyway.”

He was only working with Sara for an hour before he decided he needed a break. It was difficult for him to hang out with her for longer than necessary, considering most of the times they hung out previously included Shane. It was his second break in an hour, but he really didn’t care. He needed to get away for a moment.

He was pouring his third cup of coffee when he suddenly felt a presence behind him. He turned around and Shane was just watching him, causing him to jump a bit and spill coffee on himself. “Jesus Christ, man! Can you stop sneaking up on me like that?”

Shane giggled. “Sorry, man, I didn’t mean to scare you,” he apologized, moving to help Ryan clean up the stain he had created on his shirt.

“What are you even doing here?” Ryan asked. He had thought that his spirit was confined to his apartment, and yet, here he stood in front of him in the breakroom of the BuzzFeed office.

“What do you mean? We work together, don’t we?”

Ryan didn’t have an answer for that. Maybe the one being haunted was not his apartment, but he himself. He had read and seen stories of people who moved houses only to have the haunting follow them. Though, usually that only occurred in demon haunts, and Ryan hadn’t moved houses. He’d simply gone to work.

There was so much that he had yet to understand about the ghost of Shane Madej, and truthfully, he might never fully understand it.

His break was over, but he didn’t want to leave Shane. He didn’t know what would happen when Shane walked out into the office. Maybe some people would see him. Maybe everyone would, or maybe no one would. He also had no idea how he was supposed to work on anything without people noticing that something strange was going on.

He suddenly had an idea. “Why don’t you help me work on the editing of our last video?” He suggested. It would keep Shane away from his own desk, give him an excuse to stay close to him, and it would get him away from Sara.

Shane shrugged. “Sure, why not? Then I can debunk your ‘evidence’ in real time.”

Ryan grinned. If only he knew. “You’re on.”

He walked quickly by Sara’s desk so that she wouldn’t see him. Shane waved at her, and when she didn’t wave back for obvious reasons, he frowned. “Is she mad at me?” He asked Ryan.

Ryan just shrugged. “I don’t know, man. Don’t ask me.”

“Maybe it’s because I didn’t come home last night,” he suggested. “I forgot to even call her.”

“I’m sure it’s nothing,” Ryan said quickly, wanting to change the subject from Sara.

Ryan discovered that editing the Unsolved episode with Shane next to him wasn’t too bad. He kept his voice down to avoid attracting any unwanted attention, considering who he was talking to, but it somehow managed to become a distraction rather than a burden for him, much to his surprise. He wished he had more episodes to edit rather than just the one, since their current pace would have them completely finished with the episode by his lunch break the next day, and afterwards, it would be a lot harder to keep himself and Shane occupied.

They needed more film.

“Give me a minute,” he said, and immediately ran to find TJ, who looked like he also hadn’t slept in a few weeks.

“Hey, Teej,” Ryan greeted.

TJ looked up from his work and was a bit surprised to see Ryan there. “Oh, hey. I’m a bit surprised you came in today.”

Ryan was in no mood for small talk. “I have a request for you and the rest of our crew,” he said. “And… I’d like it to be secret if you don’t mind.”

Curious, TJ scooted forward in his chair. “What is it, Ryan?”

Ryan sighed. “Okay, I know that this is going to sound crazy, but just hear me out, alright?” TJ nodded in agreement. “Okay, I think we should film more Unsolved episodes.”

“Ryan, I-“

“Please,” he begged. “I really think it would be a good way to help me cope. I could pretend that Shane is next to me and do a ghost investigation like usual.”

The man sighed. “Are you sure? I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.”

Ryan smiled, almost excited about the prospect of once again getting to ghost hunt with his best friend again. “I’m sure. Just trust me, TJ.”

Finally, TJ gave in and agreed, as long as he could get the rest of their production crew on board. Thrilled, Ryan ran back to Shane, grinning from ear to ear. They were going ghost hunting.

And maybe, Ryan wondered, he could finally get Shane to realize that he was a ghost after all.


	3. The Filming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan takes a ghost for a ghost hunt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought that writing this chapter would be more fun that doing my psychology assignment, and I was correct.

Ryan couldn’t help but panic. It was his way. _Where the hell is Shane?_

He sat in a dark, haunted room, with far less crew members than they normally had. Ryan didn’t want to turn it into a bigger deal than it was already, considering the crew already thought he was crazy. They didn’t question him, though, as he knew they wouldn’t, since they knew he was grieving over the loss of his friend. They were grieving, too, and maybe that’s what made this whole thing so difficult. Ryan could see Shane, and they couldn’t. He would be talking to someone. They wouldn’t be.

Maybe Ryan was insane. Dragging the crew into his shit wasn’t really fair. Still, it was important to him. It was important to Shane. He hoped that maybe it would provide somebody with closure, whether it was him, Shane, or one of the crew members.

He was going to convince Shane that ghosts are real.

“So… what are we waiting on exactly?” Somebody asked him, and Ryan sighed.

“Just… give me a minute.”

He had no idea if ghosts could even travel this far. Maybe Shane was stuck back at Ryan’s apartment.

Ryan had taken his crew to a place called Preston Castle, formerly a reform school for boys. It was about five and a half hours from LA, and though he felt bad for making the crew drive all the way out here (he had ridden with TJ as he definitely wasn’t up for driving that far), it was the closest place they had found to investigate.

Suddenly, a chill ran down his spine and he hoped to God that it was Shane and not some random ghoul. He turned around to see Shane, grinning from ear-to-ear, clearly thrilled to be on another ghost hunt.

Ryan found it odd that he had managed to trick a ghost into hunting for ghosts, especially one that didn’t even believe in himself.

Though, he couldn’t help but smile to himself as the ghost of Shane sat next to him. “Okay, we’re ready,” Ryan said, and the crew gave the signal to start rolling.

“Welcome back to BuzzFeed Unsolved,” Ryan began. “Today we’ll be investigating Preston Castle in our ongoing investigation into the question: are ghosts real?”

Shane shook his head, as he usually does, and Ryan couldn’t help but grin. He loved knowing something that Shane didn’t know.

The episode began as usual. The two had their usual banter, even though to everyone else, it just looked like Ryan was talking to air. Of course, that was the equivalent of what Shane thought of these investigations, but it looked even more ridiculous now.

Ryan insisted to Shane that he carry the equipment. Though he knew that the man could manipulate objects, he didn’t know if he was ready for the crew to know what he knew. Plus, he didn’t want to tire out Shane before the night was over. He wanted to stay up with Shane for as long as possible.

“Alright, we’re going to break out a device that’s going to allow you to speak to us,” Ryan announced to whatever spirits were in the room.

“I’m sincerely sorry to whatever ghoul is in here. This thing is annoying as hell.”

When Ryan turned it on, he realized that perhaps Shane’s voice would come through the spirit box. After all, he was a ghost, and Ryan was the only one able to hear him. Perhaps his ghost hunting equipment would not only catch a ghoul haunting Preston Castle, but it would capture the one haunting Ryan Bergara.

“If there’s anyone in here that wants to communicate with me…” Ryan began, suddenly feeling timid. Would the crew say anything if they heard Shane’s voice come through the spirit box?

Nothing but static had come in so far.

Ryan looked over at Shane, who had covered his ears. He wondered if the sound of the channels constantly switching was amplified for a ghost, and suddenly felt bad. He turned it off much sooner than he usually would and decided that maybe it was not the best tool to use in a ghost investigation with an actual ghost standing right next to him.

“Sorry,” he whispered loud enough for only Shane to hear, and slowly, Shane removed his hands from his face.

“Is there a reason it sounded louder and more annoying and usual?”

“Uh… I had the volume turned up. My bad,” Ryan lied, and turned back to the crew. They seemed a bit bored with the investigation, and Ryan really couldn’t blame them, since nothing had really happened yet. Truthfully, he almost hoped that nothing would happen as much as he wished that something big would happen. While he wanted to convince everyone that ghosts were real, specifically Shane, he worried for a couple reasons. Firstly, he didn’t want Shane to realize that he was dead and simply vanish. Secondly, he didn’t want everyone to know that Shane had been haunting him from the dead.

They walked into another room and he pulled out an EMF meter, and Ryan made sure to set it far away from Shane’s ghost so that the meter wouldn’t pick whatever energy he was emitting. “What’s that thing?” Shane asked.

“It basically takes a read of the room and if a ghost walks near it, it goes off, since ghosts can manipulate the air around them.”

Shane groaned. “You know how many things can set that thing off? Hell, I bet I could set that thing off.”

He wasn’t wrong.

“Shut up, Shane,” he said, and the crew just looked at him oddly.

He set the small box on a shelf and backed far away from it. “If you’re in here right now, you can walk towards my little box there and it’ll make a noise,” Ryan announced. “So, can you show yourself? Or set my box off?”

Nothing.

“Can you please show yourself?”

Shane sighed and the box made a sound. Ryan didn’t know if it was a coincidence or if Shane had actually set it off. “See? Told you!” He bragged, and the EMF meter went off again.

That was all the proof Ryan needed.

He wondered if there were any other spirits other than Shane in the room. Despite the strong feel the room gave, it was difficult for him to tell the difference between Shane and that of another ghoul.

“This is bullshit, Ryan,” Shane said, setting the meter off again. Ryan decided it would be best to try both devices later, when they were doing solo investigations. Though, he knew that Shane would just be running around and goofing off rather than doing actual investigating.

“Do you think this what the ghoul had in mind when they died?” Shane asked. “Two idiots in his castle asking him to touch a stupid box?”

Ryan laughed and turned off his EMF meter. “Do you think he got up to heaven and God was like ‘go back down to Earth’ and-“

“And when he asked why God was just like ‘to scare away some idiots’,” Shane finished, and Ryan wheezed.

“Maybe becoming a ghost is God’s way of saying the He doesn’t like you,” Ryan suggested, and Shane laughed.

“Ghosts are God’s rejects.”

The pair laughed, and Ryan smiled to himself. Perhaps his bantering with Shane was what he had missed most about the tall man. After all, their bantering actually calmed Ryan down in stressful situations, such as intense ghost hunts. He knew that just sticking by his friend would soothe his nerves, and even though he knew Shane would do what he could to bother him or rile him up, it never really worked, simply because Shane’s presence was simply too calming.

He felt it even now, though Shane was dead. Knowing that Shane was there with him was enough to keep him calm for the rest of the night.

Except for the solo investigation of course.

“So how are we going to do this?” Ryan’s cameraman asked him.

“Like we usually do,” Ryan replied. “I’ll go in by myself and you all stay here.”

“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” The cameraman asked.

Ryan nodded and grabbed his equipment before trekking down a long hallway by himself. “Good luck!” Shane’s ghost called out after him. He had already taken the walk himself and of course felt nothing.

Ryan was scared, as he usually was. This time, he had so much more to lose. He knew that the only thing that had kept him from losing his sanity after the accident was Shane being there. He was so afraid of losing Shane and having nothing left to help him cope. Maybe it wasn’t healthy for his only coping method to be spending time with the ghost of his best friend, and he knew that someday it would have to come to an end. Still, he wasn’t ready for that day to come just yet.

As he set up his EMF meter, he thought about all the times him and Shane shared while Shane was still alive. The nights during ghost investigations were certainly some of the highlights. He remembered sharing very intimate parts of his life to Shane on those late nights, sometimes because he needed someone to talk to about it and sometimes just because he was tired and he was laying next to someone that made him feel more comfortable than anyone else in his life.

“Is there anyone in here with me tonight?”

He wondered why it was Shane that made him feel like this. Perhaps it was because Shane was the person that he spent the most time with over the last four years. Plus, Shane was his best friend. Who wouldn’t feel comfortable around their best friend?

The meter made a noise, snapping Ryan out of his trance. “Who’s there?” He asked. “Please show yourself.”

He looked around, trying to find any sign of Shane in the room, but the tall man was nowhere to be found. “I’m going to take out the spirit box, and you can use it to speak to me if you want.” He turned it on and set it next to the EMF meter.

Maybe it was something more, he thought to himself. He spent almost an unhealthy amount of time Shane. They would always hang out after shoots, whether they were getting dinner or drinks or were going back to one of their apartments to watch some movies. He remembered one time; he even canceled a date with one his girlfriends to go see a movie with Shane. The relationship hadn’t lasted much longer after that incident.

He hadn’t thought of it as odd at the time, but now looking back, it did come off as very strange.

“Love,” came through the spirit box, and Ryan’s eyes widened.

“What was that?” Ryan asked.

Shit, maybe the ghost was right. Maybe he was in love with his best friend, and he never had the chance to tell him that when he was alive. He had to tell him. He couldn’t let him leave Earth forever without him knowing that.

Still, maybe it was just him feeling this way because Shane was dead, and he was missing his presence. He didn’t want to lie to a ghost.

“Pussy,” a voice said through the spirit box and Ryan couldn’t help but laugh.

“Fuck you, too,” he replied.

Of course, once again, Ryan and Shane found themselves in the same bed. The crew had left to find a hotel for the night and made Ryan promise that he would call one of them if he got too scared or he needed them for any reason.

Instead of investigating anything, he decided to just enjoy the alone time he had with Shane.

They were snuggled close together in bed, so close that Ryan could smell him. It came across as odd that Shane’s scent had followed him into the afterlife, but Ryan was grateful for it. After all, their late-night cuddles would not have been nearly as fun had Shane smelled like decomposition.

“What do you think will happen to us after Unsolved ends?” Ryan asked softly, partially because he was curious to know what Shane thought and because he knew the ending was inevitable with Shane’s passing. He was afraid of the future, and he wasn’t hesitant to admit that. He was scare of the present. All he knew was that at that moment in time, him and the ghost of Shane lying together on a bed in a haunted house, he felt absolutely safe.

Shane sighed. “I don’t know. Maybe they’ll give us another show or if they really wanted to, they could just terminate our contract period,” he said bluntly. Ryan shifted a bit.

Sensing he was uncomfortable; Shane did his best to reassure the man. “Maybe we’ll start our own YouTube channel. Why do we need BuzzFeed to tell us how to run our own content?”

Ryan smiled. He wished that he could have given Shane that small dream. He could have given him his own history show and everything, remembering how distraught Shane had been after Ruining History had been cancelled.

He sighed. He had so much to think about. “What are you going to do about Sara?” He asked, afraid to even breach the subject.

Shane shook his head. “I don’t know,” he admitted, and Ryan thinks that it may have been the first time that Shane Madej didn’t have some sort of plan for the future.

Shane turned over and wrapped his chilly arm around Ryan’s body, much like he had their first night in Ryan’s apartment. Ryan knew he was going to sleep very well that night.


	4. The Admission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somebody's feelings get hurt.

When Ryan was back home in his apartment, the last thing he wanted to do was have company.

However, not ten minutes after he got home, he heard a knock at his door and it just so happened to be none other than Sara. “Hey, Ry Guy,” she greeted casually.

“Uh, hey,” Ryan replied, a bit hesitant. “I just got home like ten minutes ago.”

Sara nodded. “I know. I just wanted to ask you something if that’s okay with you.”

Ryan shrugged and let her in.

She sat down on his coach and Ryan shifted uncomfortably on his crutches. “What were you gone for?” She asked, and he pursed his lips.

“It was no big deal,” he tried, but he knew Sara would push.

“What was it?”

He looked down on the floor and decided to tell her why he was gone, but he left out the part where her dead boyfriend had gone with him.

“Were you trying to find Shane?” She asked bluntly. “Because if you’re going to look for him, I want to come.”

Ryan immediately shook his head. “No. I just thought it would be nice to have some closure,” he said, then realized that the way he phrased it made it sound like he was in fact looking for Shane. “I mean, not like that. I thought if I went ghost hunting and pretended like he was there next to me it would give me some way to try and cope with his loss,” he explained, and in some ways, he was telling the truth. He hated lying to her, though, even if it was for her own protection in many ways.

She nodded, as if that weren’t the answer she wanted. “Do you think… there’s any possibility that we can try and contact him over at my place?” She asked him, and Ryan froze. He never took her to be the type to try something like that, and sure, it sounded fun, but what would Shane think? If he tried to join in the fun only to realize that he was the one that Sara was trying to reach would certainly scare him away. Though, saying no Ryan worried would look suspicious.

“I… I think it’s best to try and move on,” Ryan said, carefully choosing each of his words. “You have other things to worry about. I have other things to worry about. It’s not healthy for us to dwell on it like this.”

She nodded, and Ryan noticed that she was crying. “I know, I know. I just thought… maybe I could ask him for permission… for something.”

Ryan was silent for a moment before pulling her in for a hug. “Permission to ask out the doctor?” He whispered, and he felt her nod against his shoulder.

He pulled her away from him and looked her in the eyes. “Look, if there’s anyone who knows Shane, it’s me. And I guarantee you that he would not appreciate us feeling sorry for ourselves on his behalf. More than anything, he would want us to be happy. If that means asking out a hot doctor, then he would be all in. That’s all he wants for you, Sara. That’s all he’s ever wanted for you.”

She sniffled and nodded. “I wish I could hear that from him.”

“Me too.”

Not wanting to leave, Sara asked if she could stay over and watch a movie with him. After all, she had driven all the way out to his apartment, and even if it was just to grieve with him for a few minutes, she didn’t know if she was quite ready to sit in her apartment by herself yet. Ryan agreed, and after making some popcorn, they were sitting at a respectable distance to each other on his couch watching The Conjuring for what would be Ryan’s 13th time that year.

“I can’t believe she didn’t contact someone sooner,” Sara marveled.

“As soon as I start seeing faces, fuck that shit I’m out,” Ryan agreed.

Suddenly, there was Shane, sitting in between them, sharing popcorn with Ryan. Ryan jumped back about half a foot and Sara and Shane both laugh at him. “The movie isn’t that scary, Ry!” Sara teased him.

Ryan shook his head. “Jesus Christ. And you’d think after seeing this movie a billion times…” he said, playing it off.

Shane grinned. “We always knew you were a coward, Ryan.”

Ryan wondered why Shane wasn’t acknowledging the fact that his girlfriend was sitting right next to him and didn’t even look at him. Did he even notice her sitting there? Maybe he didn’t care. Maybe he knew it was over between them. Maybe he knew she couldn’t see him. Holy fuck, what if he had somehow figured out that he was dead?

Ryan was now unable to enjoy the rest of the movie, as he was constantly on edge about the two being in the same room together. What if Sara realized? What would Shane say when she left without saying a word to him? What would she do if she noticed that something felt different about the air around her? Shane was sitting awfully close to her. What if-

“Hey, Ry?” Sara spoke up, looking at Ryan. “Are you okay?”

He looked up at Shane, who was also staring at him, then back to Sara. “Yeah, I’m just scared,” he said, technically not lying.

“We can stop the movie if you’d like.”

“Aw come on! It’s just getting to the good part!” Shane interjected.

Ryan nodded. “Yeah. I think I’d like that.”

Sara nodded and got up to turn it off. Shane groaned. “No one ever listens to me around here.”

“Well, uh. I guess I should be heading home,” she said, grabbing her coat that Ryan hadn’t even realized she brought. “I’ll talk to you later.”

Ryan nodded. “Bye, Sara.”

“Bye, Ryan.”

“Wait! Nothing for me?” Shane asked, but Sara was already out the door.

Shocked, Shane said nothing, and Ryan could tell that he was upset. “Did I do something wrong?” He asked quietly. “She hasn’t spoken to me in days, and she comes here to talk to you, but when I’m around her, she doesn’t talk to me or even acknowledge my existence.” Ryan was next to him now, his arm around Shane’s ghostly figure. “If I lose her, okay, but I want to know why!”

It was rare for Shane to be this open about his feelings, and Ryan simply let him have his moment. “I fucking hate this,” Shane said, then stood up. He walked into the kitchen and slammed closed one of Ryan’s cabinets.

“Hey!” Ryan shouted at him. “Calm down!”

“Telling me to calm down isn’t going to help me calm down, Ryan!” Shane snapped back.

Ryan didn’t reply to that simply because he didn’t know what to say.

“There’s someone else, isn’t there?”

Ryan was silent for a very long time. Shane had tears sliding down his ghastly cheeks, and Ryan sighed before he nodded.

He could tell his best friend was distraught and he guided Shane to the couch, where he sat there with his face in his hands.

“Shane?”

“How long?” Shane asked quietly.

He couldn’t lie to the poor man. “A couple weeks, I think.”

“And you didn’t tell me?”

“I didn’t want to hurt you,” Ryan said, which sounded like a very poor excuse considering the situation he had found himself in.

Shane shook his head. “It hurts worse knowing that my best friend would keep something as big as that from me.”

Ryan felt a tear roll down his cheek as well. “I’m sorry,” were the only words he was able to mutter.

Suddenly, Shane disappeared.

Ryan hadn’t slept the night before. He was up all night worried about his ghastly friend. What if he had been broken to the point that he would never return? Would he forgive Ryan even if he did come back?

He didn’t feel like having breakfast in the morning. In fact, he didn’t feel like doing much of anything that day. So, he laid in bed until he was able to sleep a bit, and when he woke up, he took a piss and rolled back into bed. Doing nothing was a lot more exciting to him than having to get up and worry about shit he didn’t want to worry about.

At around 5 in the evening, despite everything in him telling him not to get out of bed, he did, and he walked over to his living room, where Shane was sitting, waiting for him. “How long have you been sitting there?”

Shane shook his head. “It doesn’t matter,” he said, then turned to look at Ryan. He motioned for him to sit, which the man did.

“I forgive you,” was all Shane said.

Ryan waited for him to continue, but the man said nothing more. “Is that it?”

Shane nodded. “Why? Did you want to hear something else?”

Ryan’s heart fluttered with all the different things he could hear from Shane that would make him feel so much better. Still, he didn’t want to voice those feelings out loud for fear of rejection.

“No.”

He thought back to their most recent investigation and about all the times where he’d slowly been falling in love with Shane, not even realizing it until he was standing there, terrified, in a haunted castle. He thought back to the ghost that called him a pussy and realized that the ghost was right. He needed to speak what he thought before it was too late.

Was he really going to take advice from a ghost?

Why the hell not? He was speaking to one anyway.

“Actually yes,” he corrected, and Shane turned to look at him. “I’m in love with you, Shane,” he said bluntly, and he waited for a response.

Shane didn’t say anything, he just sighed. “Ryan…”

His heart was beating faster than it had in any ghost investigation they had ever done. To him, this was by far the scariest moment of his life, and he could do nothing but wait.

He didn’t realize how close Shane’s face was to his, and all he wanted to do was reach over and give him a kiss on those lips, dead or not. Slowly, as if to not scare him away, he put his hand on Shane’s jaw, and the taller man didn’t flinch or tell him to pull away. He began to lean in, and he felt Shane pull away from him.

Devastated, he dropped his hand and sighed. “I’m sorry,” he began. “I just thought… this was stupid. I’m stupid. I’m sorry.” He stood up, and Shane did so after him.

“Ryan, wait,” Shane said, and the shorter man turned to look at him. Once again, he noticed tears in his eyes. “It’s not… that.” He looked down at the floor. “I… it’s not you, Ryan, I promise.”

Ryan nodded and looked down at the same bit of floor that Shane was staring at. He understood. “It’s Sara,” he stated, and Shane nodded.

Of course, it was Sara. It was always her. It was what kept them apart when Shane was still alive, and it was what kept them apart now. Ryan hated that he was so angry about it, because Sara was a dear friend of his. Plus, none of this was her fault. It was none of their faults. Maybe it was just never meant to be.

“I’m sorry, Ryan.”

He shook his head. He didn’t want to hear any more about it. He was too tired and too depressed to listen to anymore of Shane. All he wanted to do was go back to sleep.

The next day at work was a struggle for Ryan. He was not at all interested in helping Sara with her project, nor was he at all willing to edit the episode of Unsolved that had been shot most recently. He really didn’t want to talk to anybody that he normally did, and he had no idea what else to do. He ended up sitting at his desk for most of the day, pretending to research every time one of his coworkers walked by.

He looked down at a paper he had sitting in front of him and all he had written down was “research”. He sighed. He missed Shane more than he was willing to admit. Still, he didn’t want to talk to him or see him. He’d rather wallow in his own self-pity, as unhealthy as it was.

Ryan’s shift had just ended when Sara finally approached him. “You’ve been avoiding me,” she stated.

Ryan shook his head. “No… I’ve just been tired.”

Sara nodded. “Right. Well, I just wanted to apologize for the other day. That was really uh… out of character for me. I didn’t mean to freak out like that. It’s just… been hard on me, you know?”

Ryan looked down at the floor, not wanting to look her in the eyes out of fear that she would see the tears forming. “Yeah… me too.”

Sara sighed before bringing the man in for a hug. At this embrace, he began to cry on her. She didn’t judge him or ask him any questions, she just let him cry on her shoulder until he had no tears left to cry. Their coworkers didn’t ask questions either. They just let them have their moment.

He felt bad for crying on Sara, and truthfully, he had no idea why exactly he was crying. Whether he was once again mourning Shane’s death or the fact that he had been rejected by a fucking _ghost,_ Ryan wasn’t sure, but he hated that he had taken it all out on her nice jacket.

He pulled away from her, trying to catch his breath, when he noticed a ghostly apparition standing in the far corner. He quickly wiped his eyes and looked back at Sara. “Did you… ask out that doctor yet?”

She shook her head. “I couldn’t bring myself to do it in the state of mind I’m in. I think I’ll wait for a little bit, just to give myself some more time to… comprehend everything. You know?”

Ryan knew.

“I hope you don’t think I’m a shitty person for considering asking this guy out so soon after… what happened,” Sara said. “I mean, Shane and I dated for a long time. I don’t want you to think that it was all wasted on me. I really did love him.” She hung her head. “I still do. I always will.” She lifted her head back up and looked Ryan right in the eyes. “I like this guy, though. He makes me feel like everything is okay when I’m with him. It’s… he’s not Shane, but he’s definitely a reason to stay alive.” She smiled. “I’ve been trying to count those lately. Do you ever do that? Try to find things that you’re grateful for?”

“Every day,” he said, his eyes moving between Shane standing in the back and Sara.

She turned around to catch his gaze but saw nothing, thus turning back to him, confused. He just shrugged, and they said their goodbyes to each other. When she walked past Shane, the ghost made sure to flip her off as hard as he could, clearly not over her. Ryan sighed at this.

When he finally walked towards his friend, he was met once again by those sad, brown eyes. “Are you okay?” Ryan asked, and Shane shrugged.

“Been better.”

Ryan sighed and together, they walked out of the building, where they caught a quick glimpse of Sara, her lips interlocked with a tall man in a suit. Shane averted his eyes, nearing tears, and Ryan just watched.

“Can we please leave?” Shane asked, and Ryan obliged, guiding the big guy back towards his car.

It wasn’t until they were on the road that Ryan realized the situation he had put himself in. There he was, on the same road that had killed Shane, with the same man in the passenger’s seat and the same man in the driver’s seat.

He felt his breathing hitch and his grip tighten on the steering wheel. He did everything he could to focus on the road, but his vision was getting blurry as he developed more of a headache.

“Ryan!” He heard, and all he could imagine was his car once again tumbling over down that hill and killing his best friend.

He blinked, and he was still on the road. In fact, he was stopped at a red light only a block away from his apartment.

“Ryan! Take it easy man!” Shane told him, obviously noticing the panic attack he had been having in the driver’s seat. “It’s okay! Nothing has happened. You’re okay. I’m okay.”

He could feel his breathing begin to stable, and he loosened his grip on the steering wheel. He was alive. He hadn’t crashed. He was fine. He was almost home.

He focused on the road, and when he finally pulled into his driveway, he slumped over in his seat, taking a few minutes to just breathe. He felt Shane’s hand on his back, and even though he didn’t say anything, he could feel the strong emotional support of the man just from the hand on his back.

Shane helped him inside and laid him down on the couch so he could rest.

Ryan took a few more moments to breathe before he sat up on the couch, allowing Shane to sit beside him.

“Ryan,” Shane said forcefully, and before the man had a chance to fully turn his head, Shane’s lips were pressed against his. They were cold, but they were soft, and Ryan even felt the scruff from Shane’s beard against his warm skin. He put his hand on Shane’s cheek, embracing the kiss with every bone in his body. For so long he had wanted this, and finally, he had it. Yeah, it was unconventional, but Ryan didn’t care. He had kissed Shane.

When they pulled away, Ryan didn’t move his hand, and Shane didn’t back away from his friend’s face. “I thought…” Ryan whispered.

Shane shook his head. “It doesn’t matter now,” he replied. “I loved her, Ryan. But I love you, too. And it would take an idiot not to realize what a great fucking thing he has right in fucking front of him. I don’t want this opportunity to go to waste.”

The only response Ryan had was a smile, which was enough for Shane. Suddenly, they were kissing again, with more passion than before, as if they had been longing for each other’s touch for years, which at least on Ryan’s end, was true.

 _Fuck you, Shane,_ Ryan thought to himself. _Fuck you for making me fall in love with you. Fuck you for not telling me about it. Fuck you for dying. And mostly, fuck you for making me want to bone a fucking ghost._


	5. The Realization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane has a realization, but so does Ryan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna go ahead and put in a trigger warning here. Mentions self-harm and possible attempted suicide. If you want to skip the chapter, just read the end notes for the gist.

When Ryan awoke the next morning, his clothes were on the floor and Shane was lying next to him, his large arm wrapped around Ryan’s torso. He had no idea how ghost sex worked, and yet here he was, having been completely satisfied by a dead man.

Despite the craziness that came with being a successful YouTuber, he thought that was probably the craziest thing he’s ever done, and he didn’t think anything could top that.

“Good morning, sleepy head,” Shane greeted. Ryan wondered if he had even slept, or vanished, or did whatever ghosts to regain their strength. Shane kissed his cheek, leaving a cold, tingly feel in that spot, and he realized that maybe he should stop thinking so much.

Ryan groaned from exhaustion. Despite the fact that he had actually slept well the night before, he hadn’t gotten much of it. It was only 9 AM and even though he was not at all ready to get up, he knew that he would be up for the rest of the day.

Nonetheless, he wasn’t ready to leave Shane’s grip just yet, and he laid there, allowing himself to lean more into his cold form. Shane held him there, not speaking in fear of ruining the moment between them.

Finally, it was Ryan’s stomach that forced his lazy ass out of bed. “Are you hungry?” He asked Shane, though he already knew the answer.

The ghost shook his head and Ryan wondered how long it would be before Shane realized that he hadn’t eaten anything in weeks.

He made himself some toast before sitting down beside Shane. “So, what are we to each other now?” Shane asked, and Ryan nearly choked on his coffee, making Shane laugh. “Well, I mean, usually best friends don’t confess their love to each other before having sex and then expect everything to be the same between them.”

Ryan admitted that he hadn’t thought much about it. While the moment between him and Shane was nice, he didn’t know if he was mentally prepared to get into a relationship with a ghoul. Shane seemed adamant about it, though.

“I’m thinking we call ourselves the Ghoul Boyfriends. Like Ghoul Boys or Ghoul Bros, but because we’re dating now, we’d be the Ghoul Boyfriends.”

It was all too weird.

“Ryan?” Shane asked, noticing that Ryan wasn’t responding. “Sorry… was that too dumb? I can tone it back a bit.”

Ryan shook his head. “I need a minute,” he said, and he grabbed his coat and his crutches before walking out the door.

He didn’t really know where he was going. He just wanted to get away from Shane as fast as he possibly could. He loved Shane, yes. But it was so difficult for him to imagine himself in a situation where he was actually dating the man. For fuck’s sake, he was dead. He knew he needed to move on. He _knew_ that. Yet here he was, going out on ghost hunts and confessing his feelings to a fucking ghost.

It sucked. The whole thing just really sucked.

He ended up at a local park, where he parked himself on a bench to try and clear his head. Why had he gotten himself into this situation? It was hard on him, on Shane, on Sara, and on everyone that he had gotten involved.

Maybe he should just confess everything to someone. Maybe TJ would understand. Sara deserved to know.

Still, the selfish part of him told him to try it. How long had he wanted to try a relationship with Shane? This was his chance, and he was going to let it go just because the man was dead. Sure, it was generally a valid reason for a relationship to flounder, but this was _Shane._ It was the man he had been dreaming of for forever now. He wanted to feel himself be pulled into the big guy’s romantic embrace. He wanted to feel the stubble against his face as he kissed him some more. While he certainly missed the warm touch of his friend from before, he was not disappointed with what he had.

Yes, it was unconventional, but it could work. He had worked too hard to give it all up now.

Then why was he so hesitant to do so?

Without further delay, he started back towards his apartment, having convinced himself that Shane was worth all the hurt he was sure to face later.

When he arrived back, the ghost was nowhere to be found. “Shane?” Ryan called out, but there was no response.

Ryan sighed and figured it would have to wait until Shane came back from whatever purgatory he and the other ghosty bitches vanished to so often. In the meantime, Ryan laid down on his bed and took a fat nap.

He woke up to Shane staring down at him. He didn’t know if it was supposed to be creepy, funny, or endearing, but it startled him, nonetheless. “Dude, what the fuck?”

Shane laughed. “Sorry, I just got bored.”

“So, you decided to watch over me like a creep?”

“Or like your guardian angel, maybe,” Shane replied with a grin. “I’m cool with either.”

He sat down next to him and Ryan took his hand, making the taller man smile. “I guess you’re feeling better then?”

Ryan shrugged. “I guess… I mean… yeah. I am.” He shrugged again and leaned his head against the man’s shoulder. “I just got overwhelmed, you know? It’s all happened very quickly for me. It’s been a long month.”

Shane nodded, but he didn’t know the full extent of it. He simply allowed Ryan to lean against him and hold his hand. He enjoyed it more than he was willing to admit. Shane had noticed how touch-starved he had felt lately, far more than he was used to, but considering he had just gone through a breakup with his long-term girlfriend, he didn’t think it was such a big deal.

“So… are you gonna be my ghoul boyfriend then?” Shane asked him.

Ryan smiled to himself. “No, you’ll be my ghoul boyfriend.”

“Are you trying to assert your dominance over me?” Shane asked, Ryan’s joke obviously going over his head. “Because if so, it’s not working. We all saw how you ceded to me last night, Bergara.”

Ryan laughed. “Don’t underestimate me, Madej,” he shot back.

The couple both laughed and gleefully, Shane wrapped his arm around Ryan. “So, got any plans this evening?” Shane asked. “Maybe I could treat you to a nice dinner?”

Ryan pursed his lips and shook his head. “That’s too cliché. Let’s do something that couples don’t usually do together.”

“Alright then, what were you thinking of?”

Slowly, Ryan moved out of Shane’s grip so he could grab a pillow. Suddenly, it was being used to slap Shane in the face, making Ryan laugh and Shane pause to gather his bearings. “Oh, you’ve done messed up now,” Shane said, shaking his head and grabbing a pillow to retaliate with.

The two spent about ten minutes launching pillows at each other before they both tired out and called it a draw. Ryan had feathers strewn across his floor, and he regretted not buying new pillows back a few months ago.

He remembered the day it had happened because Shane had been there, and he did his best to commit every moment with Shane to memory. It had been Shane’s idea to buy the pillows, his reasoning being that the elderly were the only ones who still used feathered pillows and that the memory foam was far more comfortable.

Ryan, however, being the contrarian that he was, had claimed that his pillows were fine and that he had no reason to get new pillows.

Once again, Shane had been right.

Ryan frowned. Despite him being there in the room with him, it wasn’t the same.

Shouldn’t it have been exactly what he wanted? He not only got the man that he was in love with, but he got to keep him all to himself. It should have been the perfect situation. Yet, there he was, pouting because he wanted to show him off. He wanted everyone to know that the beautiful man that was Shane Madej was his boyfriend. He wanted to show his boyfriend off to the world. He wanted to travel with him. He wanted to go to parties with him. He wanted to take him to his family gatherings, and he wanted to be brought to family gatherings.

“Ryan?”

Shane manages to pull the man out of his thoughts before he got too deep into them. Ryan was treading on dangerous territory; he knew that. He knew that if he let himself think about the future for too long, he would lose what little sliver of sanity he had left, and he didn’t know if he could get that back.

“Are you alright?” Shane extended his hand to help him off the floor, and Ryan took it, helping himself onto his one good foot.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I was just thinking about something.”

Shane nodded. “You seem to do that a lot now.”

So, he had noticed. Of course he had noticed. Shane always had an affinity for being able to tell when something was wrong with the smaller man simply due to one simple detail. Though, it helped that Ryan tended to wear his emotions out on his sleeve.

“I guess so,” Ryan shrugged. “I guess… the accident really fucked me up,” he admitted.

The taller man sat on the bed and wrapped his ghostly arms around Ryan, and Ryan responded by sitting on his lap as if he were a child ready to tell Santa what he wanted for Christmas. “Maybe you should see a therapist,” he suggested. “They can help you with all the PTSD shit, you know?”

Deep down, Ryan knew he was right. He knew his PTSD was pretty bad, and staring at Shane’s stupid face every day didn’t help him either. Still, if he told a therapist everything that had happened to him in the last month, they would surely lock him up in some sort of asylum. He truly did sound like a crazy person, and he knew that. He wasn’t ready to risk losing everything because he needed some help dealing with something that might go away on its own.

“No,” Ryan said. “I mean, not yet anyway. I’m not ready to tell anyone about it.”

“Not even me?” Shane asked, nudging his elbow into Ryan’s side.

The younger man winced. “Especially not you.”

Shane looked at him, a bit hurt, and Ryan sighed. “Listen, don’t get me wrong, I trust you and all, I just… don’t feel comfortable talking about it right now.”

Shane knew better than to push. He knew that if Ryan wanted to tell him that he would. Plus, the man was not very good at keeping stuff to himself. He remembered how his 30th birthday party was supposed to be a “surprise”.

“Let’s talk about something else, hm?”

The two get to talking about Tom Cruise movies and decide that they should sit and watch one of his movies together. “Top Gun or Rain Man?”

“Let’s go Top Gun. Rain Man is too sad,” Ryan replied, sitting down on the couch waiting for his ghoul boyfriend to wrap him up and cuddle next to him. This was not a new thing for the two of them- to cuddle and watch a movie; this time was different though. It had a whole new meaning for them. For them, it was truly a magical moment. All the waiting had finally paid off, and finally they could feel completely comfortable in the embrace of the other. Even Ryan felt that he had no worries in the world when he was in Shane’s arms.

Ryan felt almost warm despite being in the arms of a spirit. Perhaps it was simply the joy that filled his stomach at the thought of finally getting this moment with Shane, or he had simply learned how to ignore the chills that Shane’s touch gave him.

They didn’t talk much throughout the movie, other than the occasional comment, simply because they didn’t want to ruin the moment between them. They were content with the cuddles and the hand holding. Ryan was barely paying attention to the movie because for one, he had seen it a million times before, but mostly because he was focused on the sound of Shane’s breathing. It was a sound he hadn’t thought he would ever hear again, and it surprised him a bit to learn that ghosts even had that ability. If he had to guess, he wouldn’t have imagined that ghosts have any internal organs at all, considering Shane never ate anything anymore. Though, he supposed it did make sense, since in many of the investigations he had done with Shane, he could hear what sounded like breathing caught on an audio recorder or even in the room with him.

Whatever the case was, Ryan didn’t care. He was just glad to be able to hear it.

“I love you,” Ryan whispered so quietly that it was almost inaudible.

It was not on lost ears, though, and he squeezed Ryan’s hand. “I love you, too Little Guy.”

_Ryan was standing in a haunted house. He didn’t remember traveling to this location. He had no idea where he was, and there was no one around him to help him, not even the crew._

_“Shane?” He called out into the darkness. The only response he got was the sound of his own voice echoing back at him. “Is there anybody there?”_

_Suddenly, he could hear sobbing in the distance. “Shane?” He asked a bit more quietly, knowing very well that it wasn’t Shane’s sobs that he was hearing. Slowly, he began moving towards the sound, trying to approach slowly so that he wouldn’t scare whoever (or whatever) was there away._

_As he grew closer, he realized that he recognized the figure. She was sitting there, crying over a body that was lying on the floor. “Sara?” Ryan whispered, and she turned to look up at him. She had mascara running down her face._

_“He’s dead,” was all she said before returning to her crying fit._

_Ryan came a bit closer and that’s when he noticed that the dead body on the floor was Shane’s._

_He jumped back with a start. He looked up and in the mirror that had appeared in front of him, he noticed Shane standing behind him. Ryan spun around, but he saw nothing. “Shane?”_

_He looked back at Sara and saw the ghost leaning down and rubbing her back to comfort her. “You’re the most important person in my life,” Shane told her. “I would do anything with you, dead or alive.”_

_Ryan’s heart sank, and he watched as she leaned up and kissed her. “You’re still alive, Ryan,” Shane said to him after they pulled away. “So is Sara, but she knew me first. You’ll never have a chance with me.”_

Ryan woke up screaming. It wasn’t the first time that Shane had died in his dream, but it was the first time that he had been called out like that. Of course, he knew how fucked up his relationship was, but he didn’t know it would have that effect on him.

He knew that their relationship couldn’t last. He knew he would never have a chance to truly be with Shane. The way his life was going, Ryan was just going to slowly lose his mind as Shane continued to pull him in. He was totally fucked, and he knew it.

He screamed out. “Fuck you, Shane!” He shouted. “Fuck you!”

His mind was moving at a million miles per minute. He was in love with Shane. There was no mistaking that feeling. Still, he didn’t know how he was supposed to live with himself knowing that his relationship was just going to fall apart for one reason or another. He couldn’t describe how badly he wanted to be with Shane for the rest of eternity, and he knew how crazy he sounded even in his own head.

He hadn’t noticed how much he was crying until he noticed how wet his hands were when he pulled them away from his face. “Shane,” he squeaked out, unable to contain his sobs.

He fell forward on his bed, completely losing his grip on his sanity. All he could think about was Shane. His death was Ryan’s fault. It was Ryan who deserved to die, not Shane. Ryan was completely overtaken by this thought.

Slowly, he limped over to his bathroom. He hadn’t stopped crying, and even though he could feel himself crying, he felt nothing. He felt no pain. He felt no remorse. He could barely feel himself moving towards his bathroom.

“Ryan?”

His breath hitched as he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He truly looked awful. His eyes were puffy and red from crying, his hair was disheveled and unkempt, and he looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks, which was mostly true.

_What am I doing here?_

“Ryan!”

He opened his medicine cabinet, revealing a plethora of cold medicines and simple vitamins. He grabbed them all and threw the caps on the floor, not giving a shit anymore.

“RYAN!”

Suddenly, all the pill bottles that Ryan had in his hand were thrown to floor and Shane was standing in front of him, looking as pale as a ghost could possibly be. Ryan screamed at him. “Why the fuck would you do that?” He shouted.

“Ryan!” Shane shouted back, before grabbing the wrists of the man. “Ryan, please look at me!”

The man tried to thrash out of Shane’s ghost, but despite being dead, he was unbelievably strong. “You’re dead!” Ryan exclaimed. “I can’t do this!”

Shane shook his head. “Ryan. I’m not dead. I’m right here.”

“You’re fucking DEAD Shane! I need to move on! I can’t do this shit anymore!”

Shane was crying now, and Ryan didn’t even care that ghosts weren’t supposed to be able to cry. It didn’t matter now. Nothing mattered.

“Ryan. Please.”

His voice was so calming that Ryan almost completely trusted him. Maybe Shane wasn’t dead. Maybe he was right here, comforting him. Maybe he hadn’t been asked out by a ghost. Maybe he wasn’t dating a dead man.

But he had seen it. He had watched Shane die. He had killed Shane.

Still, he looked into Shane’s eyes. He saw the concern in his face, and he stopped struggling.

“It’s okay,” Shane whispered. “I’m right here.”

Ryan hadn’t realized how hard he was breathing until he stopped to listen to himself. He closed his eyes and did his best to calm down.

_What are you doing, Ryan?_

“Killing yourself isn’t the answer, Ryan,” Shane said calmly. “Hurting yourself isn’t the answer.”

Ryan nodded.

_What were you thinking? Nothing. I wasn’t thinking anything._

“Talk to me, please. Say anything. Please.”

The shorter man opened his eyes. “I love you,” he whispered.

Shane didn’t reply. He just pulled Ryan in for the biggest hug he had ever given, dead or alive. The man allowed it to happen, his thoughts from mere minutes ago now completely washed away.

Ryan knew what he had to do in that moment. He had to somehow drive Shane away so that he could finally accept reality and move on. He had to convince Shane that he was actually dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the gist:  
> -Ryan and Shane go from ghoul boys to ghoul boyfriends  
> -Fluffy shit  
> -Ryan has a bad dream  
> -Ryan has a panic attack and nearly gets himself killed  
> -Shane calms him down  
> -Ryan realizes he needs to convince Shane that's dead


	6. The Vanishing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan wants to try out his new theory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took forever to write because I've been so hopelessly busy. It might seem a bit choppy since there were so many points where I sat down to write and stopped to come back later. I hope you still manage to enjoy it though!

Shane forced Ryan to take off work the following morning, despite Ryan’s pleas. He supposed he would just have to wait to prove to Shane that he was dead. Truthfully, despite his mental breakdown just the day prior, he was glad to spend a little more time with Shane. Knowing what the future held for him and his ghoul boyfriend made him feel a bit more comfortable, if sad. He hated not knowing, which is why he was always the one between the two of them that would not be satisfied with something being left a mystery, despite that being the entire premise behind their show. He supposed that because he was unsure about his situation with Shane and where it was headed or even where it could lead, he felt even worse. However, because he now had a plan, he knew he would be able to take advantage and enjoy the time he had left with Shane.

And that’s exactly what he did.

“Any movie requests?” He asked the ghost, who was now sitting on his couch waiting for the man to curl up next to him.

Shane shrugged. “We could always watch a horror movie,” he suggested.

A horror movie did sound great, but he didn’t know how he would feel about watching a horror film with a ghost right beside him.

_Ah fuck it. Why not?_

He decided to put on Halloween, since it happened to be his favorite horror franchise and it was a great movie to cuddle to, since frankly, he was easily scared.

Ryan sat down next to Shane, who immediately wrapped his arms the man. Ryan sank into his touch and if he were being honest, he loved it. He was still in love with Shane, and every touch he could get from the tall man made his heart flutter. It wasn’t easy being Ryan Bergara, likely the only man to have ever craved the sweet touch of his ghost boyfriend.

Throughout the movie, their constant banter gave Ryan a bit of comfort, and he wasn’t as nervous as he normally was, despite having seen the movie a million times already. He curled closer to Shane and for once, he felt at peace. He loved the fact that he had someone to keep him company, and he loved even more that the someone happened to be Shane.

When it was over, neither of them moved. They wanted to remain in each other’s arms for as long as possible; so, they stayed in that spot for another three or four minutes. When Ryan finally tried to get up, Shane whined at him, and Ryan softly put his hand on the man’s cheek. “I have to piss,” he said, grinning.

“Don’t care,” Shane replied, pulling him back down before locking lips with him. Ryan leaned into his touch and allowed himself to be fully mesmerized by the man as they moved their lips together.

“Really, I’m gonna piss my pants if I don’t,” Ryan tried, pulling away from Shane to speak before immediately being pulled back in.

“Piss them, then,” Shane said in between breaths, making Ryan laugh and force himself away again.

“Not on my couch you asshole!”

Shane didn’t try to pull him in again. He just admired him, a grin forming as his eyes made his way down Ryan’s body. The action made Ryan blush a bit, but he laughed it away. “Can I please go piss now?”

Shane groaned. “Fine. Just promise you’ll come back?”

Ryan rolled his eyes. “I promise. We can even watch another movie if you’d like.”

“I like.”

Ryan took the quickest piss he had ever taken before making his way back to Shane. It didn’t matter what movie he put on because he knew that neither of them would be watching anyway. They were too busy watching each other.

Ryan didn’t tell his coworkers why he had taken a day off. Of course, many of them made assumptions about it, and most of them had been pretty close to the truth. Still, he didn’t dare confirm the validity of their statements.

Poor Sara had been more worried than anyone.

“I tried calling you yesterday, and I nearly showed up at your house when you didn’t pick up. I was so worried.”

Ryan just shrugged. “I turned my phone off just because I didn’t want to read all the worried text messages. What stopped you from coming over?”

She grunted. “Roger told me you were fine.”

At the name “Roger”, Ryan couldn’t help but laugh. “Okay, I know that he’s a rich, sexy doctor and all, but his name is Roger? He sounds like the blandest person in the universe!”

She rolled her eyes, but there was a small smile on her face. “Alright, his name sucks. But, he’s really sweet and I think he has my best interest at heart.”

“You think?”

She shrugged. “I’ve only known him for about a month, but he seems to have good intentions.”

“I still can’t believe his name is Roger.”

“Shut up, Ryan.”

He didn’t chat for too long, since he knew he had a lot of work to do. He was going to try his darndest to find a place that was so haunted, even Shane couldn’t deny the existence of ghosts in the building.

It didn’t help that all he could think about was Shane’s stupid soft lips. Even for a ghost, damn, he could kiss well. All it did was fluster Ryan and distract him from his work. For fuck’s sake, all he had to do was stop thinking about his ghoul boyfriend and he’d-

“Hey babe!” Shane called out from nowhere, making Ryan jump out of his seat. He turned to the man now sitting next to him, a big, stupid grin on his face. “What are you doing?”

Ryan rolled his eyes. “Well, I was trying to research something for the next episode of Unsolved that we have to film, but I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

“Aw. Leave it to me to distract you from your work when I’m not even here.”

“Shut up, Shane.”

Shane kissed his forehead and simply looked over his shoulder as Ryan did his best to try and find a haunted location to film at. “Hey, that looks fun,” Shane said, pointing to one of the web results.

“Moundsville Penitentiary?”

Shane nodded.

“It’s all the way in West Virginia!”

He shrugged. “So? We have the budget. We can even pay Mothman a visit while we’re there.”

Ryan wheezed. “You think he’d show his ugly mug this time around?”

“Hey, maybe if we can bag a ghoul somewhere else in West Virginia, it’ll show him we mean business.”

Ryan wheezed again, trying his best to keep his voice down, considering he was once again talking to a ghost in the middle of a crowded office. “Fine, I’ll take it to the producers tomorrow.”

“Aren’t you a producer on that show, too?”

“Shut up, Shane.”

They ended up working together to try and write a script for the shoot, even though Shane was determined to make sure that the audience knew that he thought the whole thing was bullshit. Ryan allowed a bit of it, knowing that it was likely the last script he would ever write if everything went according to plan.

Ryan didn’t have much of a plan, really. He just wanted to scare the shit out of Shane until he realized that ghosts were, in fact, real and that he, Shane Madej, had become one.

In retrospect, it wasn’t a very good plan, but all Ryan could do at this point was hope for the best.

After work, Ryan made sure he caught TJ when he was alone. The man sighed when he watched the younger man stroll up to him. “Ryan, if this is about Unsolved-“

“Just one more,” Ryan begged. He knew the crew didn’t want to do anymore ‘episodes’. He knew that it hurt them as much as Ryan expected it to, likely more. He was lucky he had gotten one out of them.

TJ sighed again. “Why do you always come to me about these things?” He asked. “I’m just the sound guy.”

Ryan knew he was right, but it didn’t discourage their conversation. “I just… trust you the most I guess.”

“I thought you just wanted to shoot that one episode. For closure.”

It was Ryan’s turn to sigh now. “It’s… more complicated than that, Teej.”

“Well, tell me then. Don’t just leave me in the dark about this, Ryan. You know I’m always here for you.”

Ryan nodded. “If I told you, you’d think I’m crazy and I don’t want to be sent away.”

“I’m not gonna send you away. Now tell me what’s going on.”

Despite everything in his gut that told him not to, his overwhelming desire for someone else to know what he was going through won out, and Ryan ended up telling TJ about everything. He assumed that TJ wouldn’t believe him for a single moment, but it felt good to get everything off his chest.

Afterwards, TJ just sat in silence for a moment, processing everything he had just heard. “So, let me get this straight. You’re being haunted by the ghost of Shane, who doesn’t know he’s dead. He confessed his love to you and now you’re _dating_ the ghost of Shane. And now, after getting everything you’ve wanted after years of pining, you want to get rid of him by proving to him that he’s dead?”

Ryan hadn’t realized how crazy it all sounded until his friend had recapped it for him. “Yep. You got it,” he replied lamely.

TJ pursed his lips. “Well, you weren’t wrong. I do think that you’ve gone slightly mad,” he admitted. “But, if you think it will help you, then I can try and convince the crew to do one more location.”

Ryan grinned. “Thank you, Teej. I promise, this is the last one I’ll ever make you do.”

“Just get away from my desk,” TJ teased, and Ryan practically skipped away.

“So, what’s this place called again?” Shane asked him. It was the night before the shoot and Ryan decided that he was going to enjoy his time with Shane while he could.

“You helped pick the place and you don’t even remember the name of it?” Ryan asked, a grin on his face.

“Nope, I was too focused on getting to go see our old buddy Mr. Windbiter.” They were playing cards tonight since Shane was tired of movies and Ryan wanted to take advantage of his time with his boyfriend. “Two sixes by the way.”

Ryan wheezed. “You’re still hung up on his name?”

Shane shrugged. “Why not? Mothman is a shitty name, you’ve got to admit that.”

“Okay, I’ll give you that.”

“One ten.”

“Bullshit. I have them all in my hand.”

Shane sighed as he picked up the stack of cards that were on the table. Usually he was pretty good at that game, since Ryan was generally a terrible liar. Tonight though, Ryan had seemed to find a bit of confidence, and besides having to pick up one very large stack (due to bad luck on his part, mostly), he was doing quite well. It was difficult for Shane to keep up with him.

“It’s Moundsville Penitentiary, by the way.”

“What makes it so haunted?”

“Well, it’s a penitentiary. You know, simple prison stuff. Shadows moving, wails for helps. You know the drill.”

“How come every prison isn’t haunted?” Shane asks, placing down two aces.

Ryan groaned. “I don’t know, Shane. Maybe some prisons just treat their prisoners well-enough where they don’t feel like haunting the place. Or, maybe they are all haunted and we just don’t know it yet.”

Shane smirked. “Sounds like a load of malarkey if you ask me.”

“You think every haunting is a ‘load of malarkey’.”

“Well, yeah. But this one especially.” He hadn’t yet wiped his stupid grin off his face. “Two fours.”

“Bullshit,” Ryan called, to both his statement and his card play. As expected, Shane picked up the entire deck on the table and Ryan played down his final card, which happened to be a five.

“Bullshit,” Shane tried, but it was too late. Ryan had won.

“Good game,” Shane said with a smile, and Ryan grinned back. He knew he was right about this. This plan was surely going to send Shane back to Heaven or Hell or wherever the fuck ghosts went after they disappeared.

Ryan walked over to Shane and wrapped him in a hug. Ryan knew that despite what he wanted to happen; he would miss Shane. His spirit had been haunting him for about three weeks at this point, and Ryan appreciated the company. His smell, his touch, his essence… it was all still _Shane_. Whether he was dead or not, he was Shane. He was there, and he made Ryan crave for more every time they were apart.

“I love you,” Ryan said, pulling him closer.

Shane tightened his grip around the smaller man and smiled before kissing his head. “I love you too, Ry Guy.”

The two stood there for a few more moments before Shane pulled away and looks at Ryan. “Are you ready for bed? We do have a long flight tomorrow.”

Ryan smiled and shook his head. “I just want to spend my time with you and only you. That includes my bed.” He began tracing his finger on the outline of Shane’s collarbone, making the man flinch slightly. “Or… maybe with you in my bed?”

The older man felt a grin creep up on his face. “Feeling a bit hot, are we?”

Ryan blushed. “Maybe,” he admitted, before moving his hand down Shane’s chest, undoing the buttons on his flannel as he went. He couldn’t believe he was doing this again.

“You’re lucky you’re so damn hot, Bergara.”

Ryan grinned. “I know.”

The trip to West Virginia had been much more hectic than Ryan and the crew had realized. Since this was somewhat of a “secret shoot”, BuzzFeed knew nothing about it and therefore, Ryan was forced to pay for the plane tickets for himself and the crew with his own money. It had taken seemingly way longer than usual to get through security, and Ryan was already ready to call it quits. He was not ready to spend an entire night in a haunted prison, even if it meant freeing Shane.

Speaking of the ghost, it would have been a lot easier if the man had been any comfort at all to Ryan, but he had yet to show his face, and once again Ryan worried that it was too far for him to travel.

He groaned in exhaustion as they arrived on scene. If he missed Shane this much now, how much would he miss him later when he was gone for good? The thought of it hurt him, and he decided to shake it away and deal with his feelings afterwards.

“Are you okay Ryan?” One of the crew members asked him.

He smiled at her and nodded. “I’m just tired.”

“We could always wait until tomorrow to do this. Or just cancel all together and just enjoy the sta-“

“No,” he interrupted. “I want to do it tonight.”

She nodded and left him alone as he helped set up base for the night.

Suddenly, there the asshole was, right beside him, setting up his chair. “Are you ready?” He asked Ryan, who just rolled his eyes.

“Whatever. Let’s just get this over with.”

Shane could tell that there was something wrong. He always knew that when Ryan got snappy, he meant business. Still, he didn’t push. He just watched as his boyfriend took his seat and prepared to start the episode. He reached out for Ryan’s hand once he was sitting, and the man took it graciously.

“Hello, and welcome to another episode of BuzzFeed Unsolved where today, we’ll be investigating Moundsville Penitentiary into our ongoing investigation into the question: are ghosts real?”

Shane shook his head like he usually did, and Ryan ignored him like he usually did.

He began talking about the history of the abandoned building that they were in, and damn, Shane hadn’t realized how sexy Ryan was when he got into his theory voice. It was that low voice he remembered from last night when they were in Ryan’s bed together, and it sent a shiver up Shane’s spine.

He realized that he had zoned out through Ryan’s explanation, and he hoped that any lack of banter wouldn’t be noticed on camera. He didn’t want to seem so out of it, but something about the place just seemed… off. Even though everything was going as it normally did, there was an eerie amount of determination dripping from Ryan’s tone, and Shane wasn’t sure exactly what it meant, but it made him uneasy.

“So where are we investigating first, Little Man?”

Ryan gave a small smile in return. “We’ll start our investigation in the main cell block, then we’ll move up from there. We’ll end our investigation by doing solos in solitary. Sound good?”

“Perfect.”

Despite his tone, Ryan was nervous. He was nervous that Shane wouldn’t figure out what Ryan wanted him to, and he was nervous that the crew would pick up on the difference in his tone. What had he gotten himself into? Or, rather, what was he getting himself out of?

They headed into the main cell block, where they decided to try a spirit box session. Ryan knew that Shane thought the whole thing was bullshit, but maybe the box would pick up Shane’s energy, which would convince the man that he was the dumb spirit.

“Is there anything here with us tonight?” Ryan asked after turning the box on. He held it in his hand, pointing it just slightly towards Shane. “Did you die in this prison? Is there anything you would like to say?”

Shane was grimacing, likely in pain from the noise, and it made Ryan feel slightly bummed. He knew it annoyed Shane, but for God’s sake, could he just get over himself and cooperate with Ryan for once? Still, he knew he couldn’t totally blame Shane. The poor man didn’t even know that Ryan wanted him to participate so badly.

Fine, so maybe the spirit box was a bad idea.

“Okay, I’m going to turn it off now.”

“Thank God.”

“Shut up, Shane.”

The silence was eerie. Ryan hated it.

“Well, we can try a different device if you want,” Ryan suggested, to both Shane and the other spirits that haunted the room they had settled in.

Shane shook his head. “I don’t think we’re going to get anything here. It’s probably best we move on.”

Ryan sighed, but ultimately agreed. He didn’t feel that this room was going to provide him with the evidence he needed to convince Shane. He grabbed the spirit box and any other equipment he had lying around before moving upstairs, Shane right behind him.

He quickly explained the history of the cell block as he set up his least favorite flashlights. He sighed, unsure if Shane would bother with them, but he figured it was worth a shot anyway.

“Alright, ghouls,” Shane greeted, making Ryan laugh. “If you’re in here, turn that left flashlight off.” He pointed to it, and the light flickered. “Come on, cowards! I know you can do it!”

“Jesus Christ, I can’t tell if you’re encouraging it or criticizing it.”

“I’m like an overprotective parent,” he replied. “I’ll root for it to succeed no matter what, but if it fails, it’s a disappointment to the family.”

Ryan wheezed. “So, you’re a ghost dad now?”

“Just call me Daddy, baby.”

“I am not calling you Daddy.”

Shane smirked. “That’s not what you said last night,” he whispered, nudging Ryan in the ribs playfully. The younger man blushed profusely, making Shane laugh. “That’s what I thought.”

They stood in the room for a long time, waiting for anything to happen. Every time the flashlight flickered; Ryan’s eyes glittered with hope. However, every time, Shane would make some sort of snooty remark about how stupid this whole endeavor was. Really, it was beginning to drive Ryan insane.

His optimism had been worn thin by the time it was time for their solo investigations.

“Hey, Ry,” TJ called over, the rest of the crew looking at him as well. “It’s getting late. Can we just skip the whole solo investigation? It’s just been you running around by yourself all night anyway.” Ryan tried to answer, but TJ stopped him. “I know you’ve been pretending that Shane is next to you, but we’re really starting to worry that this is doing nothing but make you feel worse. I really think we should head back to the hotel.”

Ryan shook his head. “Please, guys. Just give me ten more minutes. Please,” he begged, and TJ looked back at the other two crew members, who sighed in unison. Ryan gave them a small smile. “I promise I’ll explain everything as soon as this is over. Thank you all so much.”

He made his way back to Shane, who was ready to spend his time in one cell, while Ryan spent his time in another one across the building. “Are you ready?” Shane asked out of both curiosity and genuine concern.

The other man nodded, though he didn’t know how truthful he was in doing so. In truth, he was scared to death. This was his last chance to free Shane, and if he failed, what would happen next?

Shane could see how afraid the man was, but he misread it as his simple fear of the ghouls haunting the penitentiary. “It’s okay. I’ll be just across the building if you need me, okay?” His voice was soft.

Ryan nodded and Shane bent down to kiss him. “I love you,” Ryan whispered.

“I love you, too.”

It was one of the only times in Shane’s ghost hunting career that he had felt actual fear. It bothered him mostly because he couldn’t determine the root of it. While he assumed it was because he knew that his boyfriend was freaking out across the building, something in him told him that it ran deeper than that.

A numbing sensation had left him tingling since they first started their investigation. He had done what he could to get rid of it, but to no avail. Standing alone in a solitary cell, it was all he could think about.

The only two things in the room was a bed and a mirror. He supposed that the mirror would have been used as somewhat of a torture method. After all, he wouldn’t know what to do if he sat and watched himself slowly go mad.

Indeed, that’s exactly would have happened in here.

“Are there any spooky ghosts with me in here tonight?”

Slowly, Shane approached the mirror. Something about it felt unnerving, for some reason. The whole room gave him weird vibes.

But ghosts weren’t real.

When he was finally standing in front of the mirror, he blinked. His camera did not show his reflection. He looked up, and there was nothing there. He rubbed his eyes. Nothing. It was just a mirror.

Where was his reflection?

“Ryan…” he whispered, and suddenly, the numbing sensation grew into a dull pain. What was it that Ryan had told him when he had his breakdown? _Shane, you’re dead._ It had come out of his mouth more than once while they were living together.

But ghosts weren’t real.

The pain hit him like a truck. Literally. He had been hit by a truck. He remembered everything. He remembered Ryan’s screams as he tried to steer them away. He remembered his silent panicking, praying to whatever heard him to not let Ryan die. He remembered hitting that tree and waking up in Ryan’s apartment. He remembered.

“RYAN!” He screamed, now on his knees, begging to the skies for the pain to stop. His head was pounding. His lungs refused to take in air. His heart was beating way faster than it should have been. He lied on the floor of the prison cell, waiting for the darkness to consume him.

“Shane!” Ryan called out. “SHANE!”

Suddenly, the man was next to him, grabbing his hand tightly. The tears that fell on his face were sweet relief compared to the burning sensation that consumed him.

Ghosts were real, and he had been haunting Ryan Bergara this entire time.

But why?

“Ryan…” he replied, weakly. Every word felt so heavy in his throat. “Do you remember… before the accident… I wanted to tell you something?”

He remembered. He knew why he was here. He couldn’t see Ryan, but he knew the man nodded.

“I love you,” Shane said, and the numbing sensation returned to him. “I wanted to… tell you before I died. But I guess… now works just as well.”

“I know, Shane,” Ryan whispered against his lips. “I know.”

The sensation moved from his feet and up his body. The pain turned into the complete absence of feeling, a sensation that Shane completely welcomed in comparison to the excruciating pain that preceded it.

“I love you,” he said again, waiting for the nothingness to completely overtake his body.

He was gone before he even had the chance to hear Ryan’s reply.


	7. The Watcher

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shane was watching.

Shane was watching.

The nothingness had evaporated into a different sensation- something that was actually pleasurable. It enveloped him, and he was filled with nothing but a warm calmness.

Still, even the relaxing feeling that death had given him couldn’t stop him from thinking about Ryan.

“Where’s Ryan?” He asked into the nothingness, a bright glow of warm light surrounding him.

At first, nothing happened, but when he looked over, he noticed that a section of the light was parting. Shane peeked through the crack, and that was when he saw Ryan. The man was crumpled on the floor, the crew of Unsolved surrounding him and trying to ease his pain. He felt for the man, and he tried to reach out to offer a comforting hand, but immediately retreating his hand, fearing that he would just add more pain. This was good for Ryan. He could finally move on. All Shane could do was watch him and hope that it was true.

“He’s gone,” Ryan whispered, a sob choking him up. “Shane was here… he’s gone now. He’s moved on.”

Their cameraman patted Ryan on the back. “Is that… why you wanted to film Unsolved?”

Ryan nodded. “He was haunting me, I think. He was here… for about a month. He was by my side. I'm sorry for not telling you all... I thought you would think I was crazy. I only told TJ because he insisted.”

The crew members just nodded and allowed for Ryan’s fit to continue. Shane was glad that their production team was so supportive of him, as they always had been.

“Can… can we go now?” Ryan asked, and rest of the crew immediately helped him to his feet. Ryan checked his reflection in the mirror, and Shane couldn’t help but chuckle. Ryan knew. Somehow, he knew that that mirror was the very same that changed everything for Shane.

Shane was tired, but all he wanted to do was watch Ryan. Shane had an eternity to rest, but he only had so long with Ryan, and the smaller man would always be his priority.

He watched them all return home, and he watched Ryan retreat into his room to cry. His heart ached for the man, wishing he could help him. He knew it had to be painful for him; having lost his best friend and then boyfriend not once, but twice. The warmth that enveloped him prevented him from crying any tears or really feeling much of anything at all, but he knew that if he could, he would be crying, silently cursing at himself for the pain he had caused Ryan.

Ryan Bergara. Believer, popcorn enthusiast, and his best friend. His boyfriend. His ghoul friend. The man he had fallen head-over-heels in love with. If there had been anyone in his life that he got to spend part of his afterlife with, he was glad it had been Ryan.

He watched as Ryan invited Sara over to dinner a couple days later.

“Hey, Ry. I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Uh… yeah. I’ve been busy. I’m sorry.”

Sara shook her head. “Don’t worry about it. Are you okay?”

Ryan nodded. “I just… needed to talk to you. There’s been a lot of shit that’s been going on and I thought it was important that you hear about it.”

Shane watched as Ryan told her about everything that had been going on his life for the past few weeks, from the ghostly apparition of Shane to his mental breakdown. He even told her how the two of them had been a short-lived couple.

Sara just nodded along.

“I… kind of suspected that was coming,” she chuckled. “I knew all along. About Shane having a crush on you, I mean.” Shane could feel his embarrassment rising in his chest. “One day he told me that if him and I hadn’t met, he might have some day built up the courage to ask you out. He made me promise that I’d never tell you that, though. And it never affected our relationship. It was just something that he dealt with for my sake.” She shrugged. “I believed him when he told me he loved me, though.”

“He did,” Ryan replied quickly, jumping to Shane’s defense. “He didn’t ask me out until he saw you kissing Roger and knowing that you had for sure moved on.”

Sara smiled to herself. “That must be something,” she said, sadly. “Being in love with two people at the same time.”

Shane could tell that Ryan had no real answer to that. “Yeah,” was all Ryan said in response, and just like that, the conversation was over. He asked Sara to spend the night, and they were up all night watching movies, likely to take Ryan’s mind off his grieving, Shane figured.

He was glad that Ryan had someone to talk and confide in. Sara was a great listener, and he knew that she was a great person for Ryan to keep around.

Ryan never quite got over Shane, and Shane knew that he wouldn’t. It took him probably a year to finally stop crying himself to sleep every night. The first night he didn’t cry himself to sleep, Shane let himself internally celebrate. He was proud of the little guy. He was moving on.

A year and a half later, after many failed dating attempts, Ryan found himself a serious girlfriend. Shane thought she was a good match for him. She matched his chaotic energy with her own, and it was the happiest Ryan had been in a very long time. It made the warm sensation feel a bit warmer around Shane.

Shane watched Sara marry the hot, rich doctor. He didn’t know Roger very well, but he was glad that Sara had found someone that was willing to put up with her shenanigans for as long as Shane wished he’d been able to.

It wasn’t that much later, or at least so it seemed to Shane, that Ryan the groom at his own wedding. His brother was officially appointed as his best man, but Shane would never forget the night that Ryan had seemingly stared right at him and told him that he was the best man that Ryan really wanted, and how he wished Shane had been there to witness it. Shane wished he could’ve told Ryan that he was there. He was watching.

He was watching when Ryan had his first child. When Shane heard the name of the child, he wished he had been able to cry, because Ryan had named that child after him. _Shane Alexander Bergara._ Shane replayed the name in his head, day after day. It had a lovely ring to it. He wished that were the name he could’ve eventually had.

Ryan still found missing Shane every day. Sometimes he would go back and watch the footage they had taken together after Shane had died, just to remember what Shane’s ghost had been like. The footage had never been officially released, but instead of being deleted, Ryan insisted on keeping it for himself. Shane wasn’t surprised that his apparition never appeared on camera, but he was surprised that Ryan seemed so attached to some footage that made him look like a crazy man.

On the really bad days, Ryan would lock himself alone in his room and watch actual episodes of their show, just to hear Shane’s voice and see his goofy-looking face. Shane hated those days. It reminded him of what he had done to Ryan, and he hated the fact that the man was still so torn up about him.

The day Shane Alexander Bergara was old enough to start watching his dad’s former YouTube show was an interesting day. As it turned out, the little guy was more like the man he was named after than his own father and he made sure to take every opportunity to laugh at Ryan when something spooked him in the show. “It’s almost like you never died,” Ryan had mumbled to himself during an episode, and it had made Shane laugh.

The birth of Ryan’s second child had been less ceremonious than the first, and Shane felt the child’s pain of being the youngest in the family. This one was also a boy, and his name was Kobe, which had also made Shane laugh. Of course Ryan would name a kid after his favorite basketball star.

Ryan’s life had been relatively quiet for the most part, other than the chaos that came from having two kids and a dog. Ryan had quit BuzzFeed a while back and started his own company with Steven Lim, which made Shane feel warm with both pride and envy. He was so proud of Ryan for overcoming all his life obstacles and starting something so big. Ironically enough, they named the company Watcher.

Shane watched Ryan until there was nothing left to watch. He watched Ryan send both of his kids off to college, leaving only him, his wife, and his dumb little dog in a now too-big house. Despite everything, Ryan was happy. The thought of Ryan finally being at peace with himself made all the good feelings that Shane felt simultaneously in his new afterlife increase. Shane smiled.

He watched as Ryan lied in his bed many years later as he took his dying breaths. His wife held his hand and his two sons stood at the foot of his bed, watching almost as intently as Shane was. “I love you,” were the last words he breathed out, ironically, Shane’s last words as well.

The gap in the whiteness closed, and Shane instantly felt how tired he was. Still, he didn’t want to sleep. Not yet. He had to see.

He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and opened his eyes. In front of him was not the old man that he had just watched die, but the young man in his late twenties that Shane had fallen in love with.

“Ryan,” Shane called out, allowing a smile to creep up on his face.

“Shane.”

The two men couldn’t refrain any longer, and they ran into each other’s embrace, pure bliss as they held each other for the first time in what felt like centuries.

“I watched you,” Shane whispered to him. “I was so proud of you.”

Ryan smiled. “I know you did.”

They stood there, not letting go of each other for what seemed like a very long time. In hindsight, they were likely going to be there for eternity, so it didn’t matter how long they held each other, since they would be together now for as long as they wanted.

“I love you so much, Shane.”

Shane rubbed his hand up Ryan’s jawline, before leaning in for his long-awaited kiss, not pulling away until Ryan forced himself away from the man. Shane chuckled, not removing his hand from the man’s face. “I love you, too, Ry.”

“Ghoul boyfriends forever?”

Shane grinned.

“Forever. Legitimately this time.”

And that was that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the end! Thanks to everyone who's been leaving such nice comments here! It's been great getting to hear your feedback and support. Thank you for sticking with me through my sporadic updates and odd plot. I hope the ending met and exceeded your expectations!


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